The Longest Way Home, Is From The Heart To The Mind.
Wauw what an experience, the past two weeks I’ve spent with my family in Bandung and Jakarta. If you follow me on Instagram & Facebook you might have seen some of my vacation captures.
As a food/lifestyle Blogger I did not only eat a lot but I also did a lot of traveling in between. But sometimes because of the traffic jams I didn’t have much time to enjoy it.
This journey was an very emotional one and I couldn’t wish for 2016 to end better.
I started my journey with so much negative emotions and my main goal was to end this year with a positive feeling and new goals ( trying to keep myself motivated here! )
( picture taken by me: Kawah Putih )
My flight from Dubai to Jakarta didn’t went well, there was a lot of turbulence because of a storm in India. Thank the Lord I landed safe and my family was standing there when I got of the plane! It felt like coming home, one big group of family and I couldn’t believe it. I was crying, laughing and speechless all at once ( I was that emotional … and coming home never felt so good!).
After catching up with my family, eating JCO donuts and Ayam Goreng, the real journey started.
Let’s do some SOUL SEARCHING!
Finally, we got home after 5 hours of sitting in a car from Jakarta to Bandung ( damn you macet! ). Of course I got confronted with the first cicaks after 5 years, I forgot how soulless they could be and look you in the eye like you are nothing. To be honest after a long road trip like that you only felt dirty and really wanna take a shower.
Never the least of course I knew that in Holland everything is different, here in Holland I have the luxury to drink tab water, enjoy warm water to take a shower.
But when I got in Bandung I noticed that there was no hot water and that the sun is the central heater. So the only advice I can give you, if you are like me and don’t mind taking ice cold showers you are fine but if you are someone like my family in Holland I recommend that you wait at least till 11 o’clock to take a warm shower.
Picture 1. is at a local market in Bandung called Cihapit. My family grew up here with the delicious food and fresh products nature offers. My great grandparents started buying there ingredients here and we never stopped. I’m generation 4 coming to eat here, isn’t that amazing? Picture 2. was taken in Jakarta at Seroja Baru. they serve the BEST Kwetiau sapi ever…. and if you don’t believe me try it!
The longest way home, is from the heart to the mind. After going to Kawah Putih I figured out that I had a long way to go. I started crying because of the passed and how it keeps on haunting me. I needed to let it go and I stood on this rock ( see inserted picture above) and than the most beautiful thing happened, I looked up and the only thing I saw was mist, everything was as white as snow and as clean as a fresh white towel. It felt like I needed to let go of my walls, I for once stopped being strong and let everything out.
Being able to feel this way was not only emotional but also very empowering. I accepted the fact that I was depressed and I accepted that it’s a true feeling and not a sign of weakness.
When you are constantly fighting with yourself you know how I felt on that rock. I don’t wanna share this because of the emotional credits like : Girl it will be okey, don’t worry bla bla. I wanted to show you, the people who are dealing with this are having some real soul searching and battles they don’t always win. Sometimes the demons of the mind will take over and make you feel like this.
My family didn’t know I was struggling with these emotions, I tried to explain but my Bahasa isn’t as I wanted to be. But than my family happened, they made me smile, helped me get over a lot of fears I created in my mind.
They told me I needed to be strong and that I must not give up on life. Thank you all for the most emotional, beautiful and best learning experience of my little life. I’m grateful to have you in my life, you guys are like my big brothers and sisters. You guys make a house a home.
I’m proud to be part of this blessing and of course I’ll be back soon in April but I miss you guys like so much it hurts. I woke up this morning wanted to make stupid jokes but no one understands “om telolet om”…. So imagine me sitting here haha.
Thanks for reading, this is my last blog of 2016, it was a wonderful year with a lot of up’s and down’s but I’m still standing. I didn’t die ( although sometimes I wanted too) but I overcame so much this year. Me blogging and writing down my feelings is one small step of me becoming the person I want to become.
If you worked so hard to make yourself a better person but the demons start haunting you? please contact me, write me, email me whatever and lets share. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to.